Identity in Medium

Ever since high school I have photographed my work. Not all of it good, I know, but I’ve photographed everything. Just to maintain the practice, and to learn. I don’t think I’ve figured it all out yet.

Kinda like “My Medium.” I think it is obvious I’m searching, searching for some sort of identity in my medium. I think most artists struggle with this, or on the flip-side they just know. It really depends on the person, and really the background of that person. What type of environment they grow up in. Sometimes I see things in little snapshots or swells, filled with emotion, the view of  cause and effects, little nuances all at once mixed with mythological time lines only present in that moment. It is hard to simplify these things, it is hard to stay focused sometimes. I am looking at my portfolio and all the different mediums I have tried. But the simple down to the grit reality is all are the same in just different ways. It’s that simplicity I need to remind myself at all times. Otherwise I get overwhelmed. I am a detailed oriented person, and my intake is strong, I look, feel, taste, touch, experience a lot all at once.  It makes me detached from what is going on, the people I am around at times, b/c I am the observer.  I can must have my full attention on the moment. It’s hard to explain it to people that don’t understand. It requires a lot of discipline, otherwise it gets disorganized in my head, my heart, and it reflects in my artwork and life.

I go through periods of give and take with my artwork. I get extremely disciplined and focused on it, then I detach from it, and spend more time with people and events, it’s a struggle. It’s all about maintaining a balance. I hope to have the discipline and dexterity of the masters. But I think in life there are sacrifices. And my need for finding my artisitc method, my medium, and my voice is important. A method to the madness, that is what we all struggle with, only to find that when we found it, it comes and the waning of time. I guess I want to have a heads up on that if I can………and I guess I’m willing to make such sacrifices to the dissapointment of others. In a lot of ways I have fought this side of me, trying to be “normal” for my own personal background’s reasons. I believe I am at a turning point in self.  At the moment the three-dimensional is my focus, it is tangible it is real as well as illusive. It is becoming more and more appealing than the two-dimensional. It offers something to me like a ritualistic totem, I don’t know how else to explain it right now. My searching for my medium is also my searching for my artistic philosophy. Above all as an artist, the simplest answer is, I am an observer.

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